I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
