Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
