i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
