I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I AM VODKA MAN
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
