PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
