cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
