if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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