They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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