I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
