What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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