Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
