why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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