She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
