Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
