dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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