Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
