how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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