ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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