I cockslap morals
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
