dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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