just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
