i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
