who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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