i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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