I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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