can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I smell like Dick and happiness
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
