ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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