I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
50% drunk capacity currently
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
