I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
