I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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