how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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