oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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