sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
