I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
