YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
