Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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