Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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