I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
