Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you had me at cake vodka
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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