So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
