Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
