you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
