she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
