Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
