Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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