part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
