Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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