I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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