did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Mom said you looked used
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
