were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
