LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
