my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
